I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
