I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
