And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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