those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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