The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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