i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
