I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
