I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize