i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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