If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
