Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize