before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
