I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
