I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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