she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize