I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
