I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
