why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
