Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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