WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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