The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
