You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
