He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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