nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
