Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
