u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Couch. On fire.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
is it fun? or sober?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
