It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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