i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
