When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got inside last night via doggy door
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
