yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
