Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
