walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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