There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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