literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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