i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You smell like stripper and shame
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
