Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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