I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
