Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
