Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
