somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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