dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
