about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
