those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
