I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
