I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
