i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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