I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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