I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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