just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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