Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
