the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
