Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
