Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
