how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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