Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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