Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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