FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
