you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
