I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
