i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
