Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
