I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
