Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
