chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
