so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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