Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
