Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
