she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
